Dean Ambrose Says Nope To Stuff
by Smart Mark
Summary: Read the title of the story.
1. Chapter 1

Kanye West is a genius.

Dean: Nope

Dubstep is good music.

Dean: Nope

Hulk Hogan is the best wrestler of all time.

Dean: Nope

It was Snitsky's fault.

Dean: Nope

Kevin Nash is the best high-flyer ever.

Dean: Nope.

WWE should bring back the Brawl for All tournament.

Dean: Nope

It was a good idea to break up the Prime Time Players.

Dean: Nope

People remember Curt Hawkins.

Dean: Nope

Tensai is still relevant.

Dean: Nope

Damien Sandow is being used properly.

Dean: Nope

It was a good idea to pair Emma and Santino together.

Dean: Nope

Dixie Carter is a competent wrestling promoter.

Dean: Nope

It was a good idea to pass up the chance to sign The American Wolves.

Dean: Nope

The new youtube layout is awesome.

Dean: Nope

The Bella Twins get a reaction.

Dean: Nope

Does anyone know what happened to Brodus Clay?

Dean: Nope

The Great Khali is a good wrestler.

Dean: Nope

It was a good idea to have John Cena go over Bray Wyatt at Wrestlemania.

Dean: Nope

Kim Kardashian is a hobbit.

Dean: Nope

Reality shows are good television.

Dean: Nope (except for Fantasy Factory)

JTG is still employed.

Dean: Nope

Seth: Actually, he is.

Dean: Really, where the hell has he been?

Roman: He last wrestled Santino in September.

Dean: Did he win?

Seth and Roman: Nope


	2. Chapter 2

Soulja Boy is the greatest rapper of all time.

Dean: Nope

Tobuscus is funny.

Dean: Nope

Cameron is better than Naomi.

Dean: Nope

The Divas Division is relevant in current day WWE television.

Dean: Nope

Nickelback is the greatest rock band of all time.

Dean: Nope

Ice JJ Fish is the greatest singer of our generation.

Dean: Nope

It was a good idea to kill Dolph Ziggler's push.

Dean: Nope

TNA is not going out of business in the next 5 years.

Dean: Nope

Nikki Bella's boobs are real.

Dean: Nope

Cena: Trust me, they're not.

Bo Dallas totally did not steal "It's Bo Time" from Bojangles.

Dean: Nope

Dixie Carter did the right thing when she released Jesse Sorenson from his TNA Contract, even after promising him a job for life when he BROKE HIS FUCKING NECK!

Dean: Nope. Seriously Dixie. You've made your fair share of bad decisions but that takes the cake. The man broke his neck for the company. Have you no shame.

Seth: Dean's right, though. I mean when WWE released Evan Bourne at least he fully recovered from the car crash. You fired a man with a broken neck.

Roman: You truly are the worst wrestling promoter of all time.


	3. Chapter 3

Emma is going to become Divas Champion one day.

Dean: Nope

CM Punk is coming back.

Dean: Nope (Get over it. I'm talking to you, fangirls.)

The Boston Celtics are going to win the NBA Title this year.

Dean: Nope (Sadly)

Adam Rose is over with the fans.

Dean: Nope

People care about Brie Bella quitting and Nikki Bella getting shit on.

Dean: Nope

The Funkadactyls splitting up matters to the fans.

Dean: Nope

Chris Jericho is in shape.

Dean: Nope

There is a chance that Kane's gonna win the title tonight.

Dean: Nope

Kevin Hart cares about wrestling.

Dean: Nope

Raw and Smackdown are better than NXT.

Dean: Nope

Kofi Kingston is going to be WWE World Heavyweight Champion one day.

Dean: Nope, even though he beat the fucking champion like 3 months ago.

Total Divas is awesome.

Dean: Nope ( I fucking hate that show.)

Stephanie McMahon isn't hot anymore.

Dean: Nope (Seriously, though. Have you seen her? That chick's got it going on. Hunter is one lucky man.)

Xavier Woods is overrated.

Dean: Nope

Seth Rollins is going to be WWE World Heavyweight Champion.

Dean: The fuck did you just say to me?

I said Seth Rollins is going to be WWE World Heavyweight Champ-

Dean punches guy in the face.

Dean: The lesson for today kids, is if you ever say that around me, I will fuck you so hard.

(The sad thing is that I bet some of you Ambrose fangirls would enjoy that.)


	4. Chapter SAWFT! I mean 4

**Note: Since Dean knocked out the guy talking to him last chapter, that guy has been replaced with Xavier Woods.**

Xavier: The attitude era is back.

Dean: Nope

Xavier: Carlito can eat apples without spitting them in someone's face.

Dean: Nope

Xavier: Little Jimmy Urine is a straight man.

Dean: Nope

Xavier: Most people on this site know what new legacy inc is.

Dean: Nope (They should. Seriously, look it up.)

Xavier: Scene kids have great taste in music.

Dean: Nope

Xavier: WWE is going to drop the ball with KENTA.

Dean: Nope (Hopefully.)

Xavier: The people reading this know who KENTA is.

Dean: Nope (You need to watch wrestling that's not WWE. I recommend Ring of Honor or Dragon Gate USA.)

Xavier: Damien Sandow is going to be remembered as a former Mr. Money in the Bank.

Dean: Nope (That's a damn shame.)

Xavier: Enzo Amore and Colin Cassady are Sawft.

Dean: Hell Nope

Enzo: You damn right, Nope man!

Dean: What the hell are you doing here? This is my segment.

Colin: Uhh, me and Zo are trying to get called up to the main roster as possible and we thought leeching off of your publicity would help.

Dean: Guys, I hate to be the bearer of bad news but that's not going to help at all.

Enzo: It ain't?

Dean: Fuck No! Vince is too dim witted to realize that he's got a couple of gems down I'm developmental. Why do you think Sami Zayn is still down there after almost two years?

Enzo: Well that's some S-A-W-F-T, Sawft shit right there.

Colin: Yeah, Zo. Shit is soft. That's kind of common knowledge. Sometimes I worry about you, bro.

Colin walks away.

Enzo: What do you mean sometimes you worry about me. Sometimes I worry about you.

Dean: Hey, Enzo.

Enzo: Yeah?

Dean: Get the fuck out of here you fucking overcaffeinated ferret!


	5. Chapter 5

Xavier Woods doesn't feel like doing this anymore, so Dean wrote every wrestler on the roster's name on little pieces of paper and picked one out of a hat. He got AJ Lee.

AJ: Xavier Woods liked you.

Dean: Nope

AJ: Xavier Woods likes CJ Parker.

Dean: Nope

AJ: Dolph Ziggler is going to be World Champion again.

Dean: Nope (Bullshit)

AJ: Kenny King's theme is awesome.

Dean: Nope

AJ: Spike Dudley is God.

Dean: Nope (Maybe he is.)

AJ: Rey Mysterio has recovered from having surgery five times in his LEFT KNEE!

Dean: Nope

AJ: That song "Rude" makes sense.

Dean: Nope (Seriously. What's the point of asking the girl's dad for his blessing if you were planning to marry her regardless of her dad's answer? Also, how is saying no to you rude? This world is fucked.)

AJ: Kane is still intimidating.

Dean: Nope (He can't be that scary if you decided to make out with him.)

AJ: Hey!

Dean: What? It's the truth.

AJ: Summer Rae and Layla are gay for each other.

Dean: Nope (I fucking wish.)

AJ: You are in a relationship with Emma.

Dean: Nope

AJ: You are in a relationship with Paige.

Dean: Nope

AJ: You are in a relationship with Renee Young.

Dean: Nope! What's up with all the relationship shit?!

AJ: I only said that to make sure.

Dean: To make sure what?

AJ: To make sure that I could do this.

AJ got out of her chair and pounced on Dean, knocking him out of his. She then kissed him violently with no sign of stopping anytime soon.

Meanwhile with Enzo and Big Cass.

Colin: Well, looks like Dean ain't gonna be Sawft.

Enzo: Nope


	6. Chapter 6

Vince McMahon: Dean, your segment is a big hit!

Dean: Thanks boss man.

Vince: I think that we should shake things up a little bit.

Dean: How?

It turned out to be Vince forcing Dean to have two people interviewing him instead of one on account Xavier Woods quitting and AJ Lee sexually assaulting him.

He took the hat with the names in it and randomly picked up two pieces of paper.

Dean: I wonder who I picked- Oh, SHIT!

Yeah, Dean was dead. He picked AJ's husband and best friend.

He's dead.

Punk: You enjoyed my wife kissing you.

Dean: Nope

Kaitlyn: You enjoyed my best friend kissing you.

Dean: Nope

Punk: You got hard when my wife, the woman I love tackled you.

Dean: Nope

Punk narrowed his eyes at Dean.

Dean: What?

Punk: Nothing.

Kaitlyn: You liked it when she ripped your wife beater off and rubbed her hands up and down your chest.

Dean: How did you know that happened- I mean Nope.

Kaitlyn: Ha! You admitted it!

Dean: Damn It.

Punk: You know. My fist is itching to connect with someone's face.

Kaitlyn: Mine too.

Dean: Well, kids. This is the part where I start running for my motherfucking life.

He then took off with Punk and Kaitlyn right behind him.

Meanwhile for some reason Emma, Paige, and Renee Young were standing in the corner.

Renee: Should we help him?

Paige and Emma: Nope


	7. Chapter 7

Dean: Fuck man. I'm really glad I got away from those two psychopaths. And they call me the Lunatic Fringe.

Vince: Hello Dean.

Dean: Hey boss. What's up?

Vince: So, I guess those two didn't work, I guess you're going to have to pick three hosts now.

Dean: Wait, what?

Vince: You heard me. Two didn't work, so we're going with three.

Dean: Fine.

Ambrose went over to his hat again and picked up three pieces of paper.

Dean: Alright, let's see who I picked- God fucking damnit.

Yeah, he picked the three people who wanted him tied to their bed naked. Paige, Renee Young, and Emma.

Dean:(Sigh) This time I'm going to die.

Paige: It's okay for Mojo Rawley to be using ass-based offence.

Dean: Nope

Renee Young: People looked up New Legacy Inc after you told them to.

Dean: Nope (FUCKING DO IT!)

Emma: There is some stopping Shelton Benjamin.

Dean: Noooooope

Paige: The writer of this story is racist for thinking that Xavier Woods, Kofi Kingston, and Big E were the new Nation of Domination.

Dean: Nope (Don't lie. You all thought the same thing.)

Renee: Fangirls didn't want to kill Trent Barreta when they found out that he cheated on AJ Lee.

Dean: Nope (For the last time. He didn't cheat on you. Stop acting like whatever happens to AJ affects your life.)

Emma: The writer likes fangirls.

Dean: Nope

Emma: You like me better than the other two.

Dean: Nope

Paige: You like me better than the other two.

Dean: Nope

Renee: You like me better than the other two.

Dean: Nope

AJ: You like me more than all three of them.

Dean: Where the fuck did you come from?!

AJ: That doesn't matter. We want to find out who you like best!

Dean: You're fucking married to Punk!

AJ: Stop dodging the question.

All four women folded their arms and waited for Dean to answer.

Dean: Bye!

Dean once again was being chased out of the building by more than one person until he realized something.

Dean: Why the hell am I running from four hot girls that want to fuck me?!


	8. Chapter Watch New Legacy Inc

The Next Morning in Dean's house.

Dean: What the fuck happened last night?

Looks around and sees a pair of black panties and a bra on the floor.

Dean: Oh, right.

So yeah. Dean picked Paige.

He didn't pick AJ for obvious reasons. Emma was too innocent and he would never see Renee as nothing more than a friend.

Paige: Morning, Dean.

Dean: Morning.

Paige: Do you want to just film next week's now?

Dean: Okay. We need to put clothes on first. I'm pretty sure know one's gonna want to see my meat.

Paige: I don't know. I kind of like seeing it.

Dean: Okay then. Let me rephrase. No one's gonna want to see my dick but you, you horny ass goth chick.

Paige: Don't act like you don't like it.

20 minutes later.

Paige: Johnny Curtis deserves the harsh treatment he's getting from Layla and Summer Rae.

Dean: Nope

Paige: Vince McMahon is a racist.

Dean: Nope (Yes, he is. He called John Cena the n word. Look it up.)

Paige: The writer is a racist for typing out the n word.

Dean: Nope (He's black. Also, he was quoting something another man said. Grow up people.)

Paige: The readers did what RandomCreativeName did and looked up New Legacy Inc.

Dean: Nope (Goddamnit! I'm not fucking joking around here. I will continue to say it until every person who reads this motherfucking story looks it up. I want you to type in the review section that you looked it up. If I don't see that everyone who reviewed, favorited, or followed this story wrote down that they looked it up, I will keep on telling you to do it. Do you fucking understand me, motherfuckers?! I'm sorry. I just get so riled up. Also, thank you RandomCreativeName. Thank you. I'm Steiner Dancing right now :)

Paige: Zack Ryder is going to win another match in the year of 2014.

Dean: Fuck Nope!

Zack: Hey, you don't know that!

Dean: How the hell did you get into my house?

Zack: I live here too.

Dean: Since when?!

Zack: Since you gave me the keys to your house, remember? You said something about feeling bad for me because WWE killed my push like five months after it started.

Dean: Oh, yeah. Wait a minute. If you were here last night then that means-

Zack: Means what?

Dean: Nothing Zack.

Zack: Come on. What does it mean? Please tell me.

Dean: Nope


	9. Chapter of The Rant

**Dean: Alright, quick note before I start today's episode. Paige got sick with the flu, so Zack has to fill in for her until she gets better. I'm not excited for this either, but we got to deal with this until Paige recovers. So as much as I'm dreading this, Zack, ask away. Fuck.**

Zack: Slater and The Gator are going to win the tag team titles.

Dean: Nope (I personally love this team, but let's face it. They're just the wrestling equivalent to a comedic side show.)

Zack: The Wyatt Family are going to rebound from John Cena burying them on Raw.

Dean: Nope (FUCK YOU, CENA! You know what, I can't blame Cena for this one. FUCK YOU, WWE CREATIVE!)

Zack: Brie Bella is the best at acting.

Dean: Nope (I laughed so hard when I saw Nikki Bella beat the fuck out of her. Get shit on, Brie!)

Zack: Kevin Steen will be a star in WWE.

Dean: Probably, Nope- I mean not. (He doesn't look like what Vince considers a WWE Superstar. I pray to every single deity out there that they don't drop the ball with this guy like they did Chris Hero.)

Zack: Outkast is coming out with a new Album.

Dean: Nope (We've been waiting almost ten fucking years!)

Zack: The people who read this story like his constant complaining about society and pop culture.

Dean: Nope (I don't either.)

Smart Mark: Hey, fuck both of you! I don't complain about anything.

Dean: Yeah, you do. Every chapter you complain about something. News flash, kid. What you say isn't gonna change anything. Brie Bella is still going to be terrible, people are still going to worship the Kardashians, WWE will never stop having John Cena as the hero in everything, and most of all, not everybody is going to fucking look up New Legacy Inc! Deal with it!

Zack: Yeah, what he said. High five, broski.

Dean: And you! You! We are never going to become friends! I can't stand you! Fuck off!


	10. Seth Rollins Says Nope To Stuff

Seth: Hello, audience. I know you're expecting Dean, but he couldn't make it. I stomped his head through a cinder block, remember? But have no fear, your favorite former Shield member is here to save the day. Welcome to, Seth Rollins Says Nope To Stuff.

(Epic Metal Intro)

Randy: Dean Ambrose is better than you.

Seth: Nope

Randy: Dean Ambrose is smarter than you.

Seth: Nope

Randy: Dean Ambrose is more popular than you.

Seth: Nope

Randy: Paige made the right choice by choosing Dean over you.

Seth: Nope

Randy: Dean Ambrose is more of a man than you.

Seth: Nope, in fact-

Randy was so bored. He was tired of feeding Seth's ego. He dozed off so much that he didn't not somebody right behind him.

Dean: Hey, Randy. What's up?

Randy: Nothing much. Seth's just being a prick again. Wait a minute.

Dean: Bye, Randy.

He punched Randy in the face and knocked him out cold.

Seth: Alright, I'm done. Next question. Next question. Randy, are you listening to me? I said next- Oh, Shit. Hey, Dean. How have you been.

Dean: Get the fuck out of my fucking house before I fucking decapitate you!

Seth: Will do.

Seth bolted.

Dean: Zack! Get your ass down here!

Zack: What's up, Dean?

Dean: How the hell did those two get into my house?!

Zack: Oh, I let them in.

Dean closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose.

Dean: Why did you let them into my house, Zack?

Zack: They said if I did they'd tell Hunter to give me a push.

Dean: AND YOU BELIEVED THEM?!

Zack: Woo Woo Woo, You Know It.

Dean: You know what? Fuck today's episode, I'm going to sleep.

Zack: Wait! What about Randy?

Dean: Put him on the couch.

Zack: You're gonna leave him in your house?

Dean: You're the one who let him in here in the first place. I'll figure out what to do with him later. Fuck this bullshit.


	11. Three Ain't Enough, Pt1

Dean: Holy crap. Randy, get out of my house.

Randy: Nope.

Dean: Hey! That's my line. You can't use that.

Randy: Whatever, Ambrose.

Dean sighed.

Dean: ZACK!

Zack: What?!

Dean: Help me get Randy's unconscious body out of my house.

Randy: But I'm not uncons-

Dean punched him in the face again.

Dean walked upstairs to Zack's bedroom and kicked open the door.

Dean: Didn't I say to get your ass down here- Oh what the FUCK!?

He unfortunately walked in on Zack singing along to "All About That Bass."

Zack: You ever heard of knocking, bro?!

Dean: This is my fucking house, you idiot! And what is this retarded song?!

Zack: It's All About That Bass.

Dean: Isn't this for girls?

Zack: Nope

Dean: Why is everybody using my line today?

Zack: Hey, shouldn't we be filming today's episode?

Dean: Not with you. I've got to get someone else, but who?

Dean brainstormed untill he settled on an idea.

Dean: The hat!

He hadn't used the hat since that incident with AJ, Renee, Emma, and his eventual girlfriend Paige.

Ambrose sprinted toward his room across the hall and quickly pulled it out from under his bedroom.

Dean: It's- It's. It's Big E. Oh, I thought it was going to be somebody more exciting but at least I get along with him.

Zack walks up to the camera with a mic in his hand.

Zack: Tune in tomorrow for the much anticipated new episode of Dean Ambrose Says Nope To Stuff featuring Big E Langston!

Dean: Go to bed, Zack.

Zack: But, I'm not ti-

Dean: I said go to bed, Zack!

Zack: Okay.

Dean: Now. How the hell am I gonna get Randy out of my house? Eh, I'll have Big E carry him out before we film the episode. I'm gonna go take a walk outside and think about my life. See ya, kids.


	12. Three Ain't Enough Pt 2

Dean: Yo, Big E. I don't appreciate you messin' around with my girl.

Big E: What are you talking about?

Dean: You know what I'm talking about.

Big E: No, I don't.

Dean- The whole thing with the chest muscles on Total Divas?

Big E- I thought you hated that show.

Dean- It was on the WWE YouTube channel- Don't try to change the subject!

Big E- What's the problem? You know me and Paige have always been close friends.

Dean sighed.

Dean: I'm just worried that I'll lose her. I haven't seen her in like three months and I'm scared that she found someone else.

Dean then started to cry.

Big E: Bring it in, bro.

Dean hugged Big E cried into his shirt.

Big E: Shhh, it's okay dude. I got you.

Zack walked down the stairs.

Zack: Yo, I'm going out to get more mil- The Fuck?!

Dean and Big E pulled away from each other quickly and whistled nervously.

Zack: Dean, are you crying?

Dean: Nope

Zack: Yeah, I'm just gonna go to the supermarket and try to forget that I saw that. And you call me a bitch. Ha.

Big E: Can we just film this episode so I could go home.

Dean: Sure.

Big E: This is gonna be a long fuckin' day.


	13. The Return of the Pale One

Dean: Alright, Big E. Let's go!

Big E: The divas on the main roster get the same amount of respect as the divas in NXT.

Dean: Nope (Frickin' Vince!)

Big E: Cesaro deserves to job to Kevin Owens on Smackdown.

Dean: Nope (I love Kevin Owens, but come on! Cesaro deserves better.)

Big E: R-Truth is going to regain his sanity.

Dean: Nope (That boy's too far gone.)

Big E: The Prime Time Players' title run wasn't forced.

Dean: Nope (They totally deserve it, but they just reformed a few months ago. It would've been better to keep the belts on The New Day for atleast one more month.)

Big E: You've gotten over the whole Renee, Emma, AJ thing.

Dean: Nope (I still have nightmares about it. I was violated, man. God, I need therapy.)

Big E: The feud between you and Bray Wyatt had a decent payoff.

Dean: Nope (Seriously, what was the point of him bringing up my dad. He never followed up on it. Nothing happened.)

Big E: Three is enough.

Dean: Nope (Man, I need five.)

Big E: Jerry Lawler is a good commentator.

Dean: Nope (Fucking call a goddamned move! You only call finishers.)

Big E: MCR is boss over MSI.

Dean: Nope (It's the other way around.)

Big E: Eva Marie will be respected in NXT.

Dean: Fucking Nope! (I hope her red ass gets booed out of the building.)

Big E: When Cody Rhodes returns, he'll still be Stardust.

Dean: Nope (He better not be.)

Big E: The Ascension was booked correctly.

Dean: Nope ( The fuck is this LOD rip off shit?!)

Big E: People still care about Damien Sandow.

Dean: Nope (Looks like Miz was right. What a shame.)

Big E: Christian's going to the hall of hame.

Dean: Nope (Vince doesn't respect him. I hate you Vince.)

Big E: I've got to leave, now.

Dean: Nope (The episode isn't over yet.)

Big E: Yeah, but Paige is standing right behind you, and she doesn't look happy.

Dean: What?

He turned around and got slapped in the face.

Dean: Ow, why?

Paige: Why haven't you been answering my bloody phone calls?

Dean: I lost my phone a while ago, dude. Wait, how did you get in here?

Paige: We're a couple! You gave me keys to your house.

Dean: Man, I really need to stop giving keys to people.

Paige: Don't change the subject! You couldn't have borrowed Zack's phone or something to check on me?! I was sick for god's sake.

Dean: I don't like talking to Zack.

Paige: Whatever. Come on Big E. We're hanging out now. I need to cool off.

Big E: But, I was going to go home.

Paige: I said let's go!

Big E: Okay, okay.

Dean: Fine, but before you leave, take Randy with you.

Paige: I'm taking your car, Ambrose. Give me your car keys.

Dean: Nope

Paige: I said give them to me!

Dean: Nope (How am I supposed to get around. Come on, back me up E.)

Big E picked up Randy and turned around to Dean one more time before walking out the door.

Big E: Nope


	14. The End

**How the hell this started.**

**Vince: Hello, Dean. **

**Dean: Sup, bossman. You wanted to see me about somethin'?**

**Vince: Your show is cancelled, effective immediately.**

**Dean: Wait, what?! Why?!**

**Vince: Because you're inconsistent as all hell! You haven't produced an episode in fucking months, asshole!**

**Dean: It's not my fault. I've been busy, man.**

**Vince: Doing what? You've been injured since July! **

**Dean: (Silence)**

**Vince: That's what I thought. Don't worry, though. You're being featured in a new show.**

**Dean: That's great. Wait a second. You said "featured" in a new show?**

**Vince: Did I stutter?**

**Dean: Usually when somebody's featured in something there's more than one person in it. **

**Vince:And your point is?**

**Dean: Who else is in it?**

**OOOOOOOOH, AMBROSE! DON'T YOU DARE BE SOUR! CLAP FOR YOIUR NEW CO-HOSTS AND FEEL THE POWAAAAAAAAAAAA (takes deep breath) AAAAAAAAA!**

**Dean: Son of a whore.**

**Xavier: Also, Zack's still gonna be there.**

**Zack: Yo, Broski!**

**Dean: FUUUUUUUUUUCK**

_So, a new series is happening soon. It's gonna be called New Day Says Booty To Stuff. I will attempt to be way more consistent with this series._

_Anyway, stay tuned._


End file.
